some of you may know that i have a penchant for finding and visually recording "dropped" things. i find them fascinating for the fact that it says something profound about that person's lifestyle and daily trajectory. and i love the irony of this icon as a dropped heart, for the metaphor in it.
happy valentine's day.
i debated on how personal to make this post – but what the hell…i'm a blogger, and you expect some poignancy from me, right? you would get it from me in person…so i shouldn't shortchange you here, right?
i spent pretty much my entire growing up in romantic situations…from right about sixth grade on…nonstop. never was left out, never left behind, always in those snow queens and heart queens and prom queen dance things…i loved boys, i continued to love boys, and i love men – they are largely great creatures, in my opinion. without a shred of irony i can say that nine times out of ten…i was the heartbreaker, mostly not the heartbreakee (albeit not always proud of that).
by and large i had some cool and really good relationships and feel like even now i still carry around good things i learned from those people. i felt like i had as good command of the love landscape as one could have.
but… when you find yourself suddenly on the other side of having given up your home, your friends, your country, and your career…not to mention leaving your family… for the sake of pursuing the notion of storybook romance – and that person smashes your soul, and treats your sacrifice with a cavalier disregard, and destroys your self esteem in the process with a buffet of other women, it is difficult to climb out of the abyss and – in a rude awakening…find that the enticing, great world of dating that you navigated so easily beforehand…is now a different world entirely.
another planet, as a matter of fact.
and suddenly…you're older – and the rules have clearly changed.
so much so that (***shhhh, this was a well-kept secret!) for a long while… i was so disgusted with the entire landscape of the issue-ridden dating pool…that i made it a personal, silent custom to call out sick from work on Valentine's Day. As in…sick with a generically broken heart.
i guess the motto there is 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' at least, that was my philosophy as i threw caution to the wind. and now i have the greatest valentine of all; my daughter.
it is on this Valentine's Day that i can also say proudly that i've found what i thought was impossible; unselfish love…support, vast understanding, great romance & Cosmo-worthy sex.
there, i said it.
make this day whatever it can be for you – and know that if it's a lonely one – you, too, can come out triumphant on the other side.
i've always said: i love LOVE. no matter who it belongs to.
i hope it belongs to you, today.